please revise an already written paper 1

/in /by

This was the instruction provided to the tutor who wrote the paper: “I don’t want a paper full of repetition and fluff where you say the same thing a different way in convoluted sentences. You must stick strictly to the requirements of the paper.”

Well what do you think happened? You guessed it. I received a paper full of run on sentences, and repetition. I have fixed most of the issues myself but just need the following done to the paper:

  • The section labelled Contrasting the ethical and unethical organization needs to be written. About a page double spaced. This was the section the previous tutor repeated.
  • Under the section of the paper labeled unethical organization add a good solid paragraph about a half age to a page where you present the case that lockheed martin is unethical because of the nature of its business as a manufacturer of weapons of war and because it sells those weapons unethical governments that misuse those weapons, etc. Pretty much it puts profit over lives. Back it up with examples from research.
  • Lastly, please read over the paper and fix sentences that are wordy, don’t make sense, or don’t flow well. I already highlighted a few of them but I’m sure there are others.

Overall, improve the paper and make it so that it gets a good score. The paper needs to be a full 7 pages of text. Right now it 5.5 pages.

Thank you in advance. I attached the paper

 
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